What is bullying
Bullying is a form of abuse, and bullies - and unenlightened employers - often go to great lengths to keep their targets quiet, using threats of disciplinary action, dismissal, and gagging clauses.
What bullies fear most is exposure of their inadequacy and being called publicly to account for their behavior and its consequences. This makes sense when you remember that the purpose of bullying is to hide inadequacy, and people who bully to hide their inadequacy are often incompetent.
A bully is a person who
has never learnt to accept responsibility for their behaviour
wants to enjoy the benefits of living in the adult world, but who is unable and
unwilling to accept the responsibilities that are a prerequisite for being part
of the adult world.
abdicates and denies responsibility for their behavior and its consequences
(abdication and denial are common features of bullying)
is unable and unwilling to recognise the effect of their behaviour on others
does not want to know of any other way of behaving
is unwilling to recognise that there could be better ways of behaving.
Bullying is obsessive and compulsive; the serial bully has to have someone to bully and appears to be unable to survive without a current target.
Despite the facade that such people put up, bullies have low self-confidence and
low self-esteem, and thus feel insecure. Low self-esteem is a factor highlighted by all studies of bullying. Because such people are inadequate and unable to fulfil the duties and obligations of their position (but have no hesitation in accepting their higher rank and salary), they fear being revealed.
This fear of exposure often borders on paranoia. Bullies are seething with resentment, bitterness, hatred and anger, and often have wide-ranging prejudices as a vehicle for dumping their anger onto others.
Bullies are driven by jealousy and envy. Rejection (which cannot be assuaged) is another powerful motivator of bullying.
Bullies are people who have not learned the lesson of consequences, ie that if they behave well there are good consequences (reward), but if they behave badly there are bad consequences (restriction, sanction, punishment, etc). Since childhood, bullies have learnt that they can avoid the unpleasant consequences of bad behaviour through the instinctive response of denial, blame, and feigning victimhood.
